That Boy

This is Abhishek Rao, Abhi to those who know him best. He's my youngest brother and boy I've shared all my life with.

He's the brainier of us two, even though it takes a little while to show. He's going to turn 20 in thirteen days and this first time I won't be around to celebrate it, or at least be present for that ritualistic cake-cutting that passes for a celebration in our family. Which also reminds me I've never given him anything close to a decent birthday present. Make do with this little man, till I photoshop something.

He's a bit of a wuss, but I realise now that it's a bit of a good thing and I should have been one too. Instead I neglected him for a long long time, like two strangers living in the same house but barely speaking to each other. That's the story of a lost childhood. Of an asshole of an older brother who was too busy being idealistic and angry at the world while the younger quietly missed his daddy and came out with his head sorted out. Whatever outsiders say, not that I care, he's got his head in the right place that boy.

It's not easy being the younger brother of an asshole, I didn't make childhood a fun time for him and teenage was worse. The hand-me-downs only added to it. Even worse when we attended the same school and asshole hogged all the limelight while he had to put up with being called, 'Aah, you're Srinath's younger brother, aren't you?' by brainless old women who were in the wrong job.

There's no way I can make up for all this and there's no point. Because we're past the apology stage. He's moved on and expects me to do the same, so there's no point dragging a shit-load of guilt around, no matter how human it makes you feel at the end of the day.

I love him not for forgiving me like no one else will for as long as I live (that would be just too selfish) but for not letting me get away with it. We could have drifted apart you know. All he did was stand by the side and make me realise I'd been a dickhead for seven-fucking years, maybe more.

But he never let go completely, he always tried and all I did was go further away. Faith, that's what it's all about.

He hasn't had a lot of moments of glory. Yet. But that's because I know life's saving up something big for him. He's due something huge. The last time I checked being a late bloomer wasn't a crime, although our mother and grandparents think otherwise, but they'll come around. So what if he flunked the second year of his automobile engineering course? Not the end of the world. I love him to bits even though I've spent a lot of my life pushing him away.

The good thing the family got out me moving to Delhi for a year is that the two of us have gotten closer. Bloody impossible I would have thought. In fact I'd lay greater odds on Spurs winning the league. But there you go. I can't wait to be home, can't wait to start afresh.

The other positive is that he's finally grown up, he's the man of the house and no one can dislodge him. He's starting to become reliable and a lesser pain in the ass at home. It had to happen, there was little choice but he's doing good.

I'm proud of him, really am.

I don't intend to get any sappier, I'm sure this far into this he's already shaking his head and thinking, 'yeh toh saala dilli mein pagal ho gaya, that or he's homesick'.

I got news for you boy, neither.

This is the culmination of a process you put into place years ago. Whereby you cured me of my stupidity and get your own back. Mummy's right, always has been. I'm very selfish and you, you that always got the jhaad and got branded the irresponsible kid, you've always been the glue of the Rao family. But you'll always be a pipsqueak that I took by the hand and shoved in the back of our Fiat when neither of us wore glasses and had hair to brag about. We should definitely buy a Fiat when the time comes.

I'll be a good uncle to your kids. 13 days to go!